Vibe Talk
- Posted on
- By Nisha McKenzie, PA-C, CSC, NCMP, IF
- Posted in #SEX, #SEXUAL HEALTH, #VIBRATOR, #VIBRATORS, #WOMEN'S HEALTH, #WOMEN'S SEXUAL HEALTH
- 0
Dear Bettie,
I have never been able to orgasm with a partner, just with a vibrator. Is that abnormal? I’ve tried everything to change that but nothing works and believe me we’ve tried everything. What can I do? Is it only me?
Love, All the Vibes
Dear Bettie,
I have never been able to orgasm with a partner, just with a vibrator. Is that abnormal? I’ve tried everything to change that but nothing works and believe me we’ve tried everything. What can I do? Is it only me?
Love, All the Vibes
Dear Vibes,
Not at all abnormal. And definitely not just you. In fact, a very common theme my patients (with vaginas) tell me. First, if your partner doesn't have the same parts and pieces, it's not likely they'll be as in tune to what makes you hum as what you might hope for. Second, if your partner does have the same parts and pieces, they still aren't YOUR parts and pieces! So a comfortable sexual language becomes necessary and unfortunately, none of us are born bilingual that way. Development of a sexual language between you and your partner(s) takes time, patience, awkwardness, intention and vulnerability. Phew! That already sounds like a lot of work just reading it right? Yep. But the reward can be immeasurable.
My advice would be to see a Sex Counselor or Sex Therapist and discuss what might be "stuck" for you (you can find trained professionals in these fields on AASECT.org). Sometimes it's something quite simple, and other times it takes some time to get to the roots. But the good news is, your body has proven success in arousal! The rest is often simply language (with self and partner(s))! Have fun with that well deserved solo time!
Nisha McKenzie, PA-C, CSC, NCMP, IF
Pronouns: She/Her/Hers
Affiliate Clinical Professor | Grand Valley State University Physician Assistant Program
Teaching Faculty | University of Michigan Sexual Health Certificate Program
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